Review Copyright Cassandra Henry, 2003

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"Moralists have no place in an art gallery." -- Han Suyin CASS' CLIP (WARNING: **spoilers below**) An awkward and nerdy museum security guard meets a beautiful and self-possessed art student at Mercy College. Using the opposites attract theory, let’s see if these two unlikely people will have a chance in hell of falling in love. Evelyn (Rachel Weisz) is a pretentious art student working on her graduate thesis. Her current preoccupation is to deface a statue in the museum by exposing’ what's really behind the fig leaf. [Censorship is like a bad four-letter word to Evelyn]. Adam (Paul Rudd) is a geek and shy undergraduate student, majoring in English. Adam works part-time as a security guard at the college's museum. There, he sees that Evelyn is standing inside the roped off area of the statue. As Adam tells her something about a can of spray paint not being a good thing to have in a museum, she tries to justify why the statue needs to be defaced. Adam just wants to finish the last 10 minutes of his shift without having to report the incident. Adam asks Evelyn for her phone number, which she spray paints inside his old, ratty brown corduroy coat. [Is vandalism an aphrodisiac?] Love blossoms and Evelyn begins her whip appeal tactics on an unsuspecting, I'm just glad to have a girlfriend, Adam. Evelyn lovingly hints to Adam to lose some weight, update his wardrobe and haircut, go from glasses to contacts, and get a nose job. [The thing being concealed under the statue's fig leaf is now basically controlling Adam's brain]. Hence, Adam is simply putty in Evelyn's hands. These changes don't go unnoticed by Adam's friends, Phillip (Fred Weller) and Jenny (Gretchen Mol), who are engaged. When Adam introduces his new squeeze to his old friends, you immediately know these couples aren't going to be double dating. When Evelyn tries to get Adam to give up his friends for her, he should start to question her real ulterior motives, but he doesn't. This chance meeting is more sinister than it looks. Evelyn's underhanded Pygmalion (PIG/MALE/LION) style makeover of Adam is a shocker. [I'm not advocating any violence, but the ending is an unsuspecting revelation. Here's Adam's question for Dr. Phil: Should I bitch-slap this heifer for trying to "reshape" my personality into the person she wants to be with?] What Adam needs spray painted on him are some balls, then he should deface this little bitch's face. DA 411 Neil LaBute (Nurse Betty, Possession) brings his stage play, The Shape Of Things, to the big screen. The Shape Of Things is about the evolution of male and female relationships, hence the names of the main characters -- Adam and EVElyn. Also of note is the fact that the college they attend is named Mercy, which there is none once Evelyn's scheme is finally revealed in the final scene of the movie. The play's original cast members, Paul Rudd, Rachel Weisz, Fred Weller and Gretchen, are reunited for the screen version. The actors are true to their characters. Rudd and Mol are very likeable, while Weisz and Weller are both control freaks. If the characters were more developed, it might have explained why, or better yet, who hurt Evelyn so bad it caused her to take this path. (Unfortunately, you'll have to see the movie to understand this statement). Having to sit through very long-winded dialogue, which tries to be conversational and intellectual bantering, makes The Shape Of Things boring. However, if you can hang in there until the end, the pay- off almost seems worth it. Without revealing too much about the end of the movie, I'll just say this, Evelyn says that she used "manipulation as her pallet," but Adam is not the only one being manipulated. Instead of using the opening quote as part of her thesis, Evelyn should have considered another quote by Han Suyin, "…love from one being to another can only be that two solitudes come nearer, recognize and protect and comfort each other." CASS' CONCLUSION The Shape Of Things may have worked well on the stage, [think My Big Fat Greek Wedding from blockbuster movie to disappointing sitcom], but the movie could have been reshaped into a better artsy film. THE SHAPE OF THINGS:   back to top Copyright Cassandra Henry, 2003 EMAIL: cass@3blackchicks.com