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Rated PG-13; running time of 90 minutes
Genre: Comedy wannabe
Written by: David Dorfman
Directed by: David Zucker
Cast: Ashton Kutcher, Tara Reid, Andy Richter, Michael Madsen, Terence Stamp, Molly Shannon, Carmen Electra
WARNING - SPOILERS BELOW.
Tom Stansfield (Ashton Kutcher) works for Jack Taylor (Terrence Stamp), a horribly mean and vicious little man who lives to make the lives of his employees utter hell. So what does Tom do? He decides that he has the hots for His boss's daughter, Lisa (Tara Reid). After he encourages her to stand up to her father, Tom's prayers are answered when he thinks she asks him to attend a party with him. He arrives to pick up his date only to discover she was actually asking him to house sit for her because she won't be able to do it now that she is going to the party with her boyfriend. Jack puts Tom on notice that if anything happens to his house, he can kiss his job good bye. So of course everything that can go wrong - does. Starting with Jack's drug dealing son, Red, showing up to make a drug deal; Jack's goofy secretary coming over to beg for her job back and a psychotic hit man coming over to kill Red for selling him flour.
Not only does Tom have to convince Lisa that he is the man of her dreams, he has to clean up the house before Jack gets home or he'll be out of a job.
Having a infant makes going to the movies pretty impossible. I rarely get a chance to catch screenings and so I've had to rush out and catch movies on the weekends. So you can imagine my jubilation when Leows' began Reel Moms. This is where parents can come watch a movie with their babies in tow. This has been a godsend as I've been able to drag Katie with me to catch a few movies (no Rated R flicks in case you're wondering). We parents pack up toys, blankets, food, diapers, strollers, and car seats. We pay for expensive downtown parking, but we don't care because we are giddy with joy that we are getting to see a new movie and then we are presented with this pile of cinematic fecal matter. Because we don't get out often, showing us this movie an especially heinous crime of cruel and unusual punishment. Let me tell you how bad this movie was - Gigli was a masterpiece in comparison.
The problem can be traced back to the script. That script has got to be close to the worse one ever written. An owl that gets high on cocaine; a hitman pees on all the furniture in a room; a black guy - for no apparent reason - tastes everything from furniture paint to glue. It was almost as if it was written by an 11 year-old little boy. No offence to 11 year-old boys, but only they would find a movie like this remotely funny. The only good thing I can say about this movie is that it was only 90 minutes long.
This movie is going to go down as one of the worse of 2003. Avoid it like the plague.
Everyone involved should be fired.
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Copyright Kamal "The Diva" Larsuel-Ulbricht, 2003