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The Diva's review of
The Transporter 2 (2005)


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Transporter 2 Rated PG -13; running time of 1 hour and 28 minutes
Genre: Action
Written by: Luc Besson and Robert Mark Kamen
Directed by: Louis Leterrier
Cast: Jason Statham, Alessandro Gassman, Amber Valletta, Katie Nauta, Matthew Modine, Jason Flemyng, Keith David, Hunter Clary, Shannon Briggs and Françcois Berléand

As some of you may know, since we began this adventure in June of 1999 we have become an important voice in film and music criticism.

I'm sure you've come to love our unique perspectives, especially that of Cassandra Henry. Cass was born and raised in New Orleans. Until 4 days ago, she called New Orleans her home. Now she and the 20+ members of her family have lost everything. But they are grateful that they still have each other. Her son and daughter-in-law have decided to move, with their infant daughter, to Dallas. They aren't even going back. They no longer have jobs to go to and their home is underwater. Her parents are elderly, so I am sure she will go back to N.O. to help her parents get back on their feet. But the bottomline is our dear Cass has suffered a total loss.

My goal is to collect $1000. This should enable her to stay at hotel for the next 4 weeks until she can determine what she is going to do about finding a place to live. It will also help defer the cost of food and toiletries.

So without permission from Cass (she would never agree to this), I appeal to you, our wonderful readers, if you can spare even ONE dollar, I would be forever grateful.

If this button does not work for you, please send your donation via paypal to Thank you and God Bless.

Our girl needs us.

UPDATE We have met and surpassed our goal by collecting just over $2000. Thank you! I'm going to leave the donation button up in case you are inclined, but because of your generosity we have enough to help her and her family get through the next 2 months. Thank you again!


The Digest

Frank (Jason Statham) steps in as a replacement driver for little Jack Billings (Hunter Clary) when his regular chauffer has to take leave. His parents don’t know it, but Frank Martin is the driver we all wish we had. Not only can he drive the hell out of a car, he can beat your ass while he’s doing it. This is the perfect combination for Mr. And Mrs. Billings ( Matthew Modine and Amber Valetta). Mr. Billings is more or less the Drug Czar for the United States, but he is a very absent father and hardly around until recently causing for a resentful Mrs. Billings.

In light of all of this, it is no big surprise that Mrs. Billings develops feelings for Frank; Jack Billings gets attached to Frank; and Jack gets kidnapped; and Frank gets accused of being involved. But he’s not involved. The kidnapping is the handiwork of some very crazy people -Gianni (Alessandro Gassman) and his ultra skinny girlfriend (Kate Nauta) who likes to where lingerie, stiletto’s and semi-automatic weapons.

It’s not immediately clear to Frank why Jack has been kidnapped, but he has sworn to Jack he would never let anything happen to him so he must save him. He has to start his own investigation to find the boy and figure out why he was kidnapped all the while trying to avoid the police.

The Dish

Not the most original plot, eh? Yes, we’ve seen this plot a thousand times, but we haven’t seen it with the acrobatic martial arts styling of Jason Statham – I think. I soon forgot that I’d seen it all before and just sat back and enjoyed the ride. Nonetheless, it was nice to live in a fantasy world for 88 minutes.

I mean really what did I expect? I’ve seen the first one, I’ve seen movies by the writer and the director. I knew what I was getting into when I walked in, down to the Mila Jovovich clone.

Everything lived up to my very low expectations, so I’m happy.

I forgot to mention François Berléand is back as Tarconi and he really is a breath of fresh air.

The Directive

Look, my best advice to you is to leave your brain at the door and enjoy the death-defying stunts that take place in an out of the car. .

Truth be told, they could have paraded an Unicorn in a clown suit across the screen and it wouldn’t have been less unbelievable..

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Copyright Kamal "The Diva" Larsuel-Ulbricht, 2005
ICQ: 8690410

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