Review Copyright Rose Cooper, 2000

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I grew up in 1970's Detroit, not very far from Grosse Point - the setting in both time and place for this movie - but it might as well have been set in a galaxy far, far away in the year 2525, for all intents and purposes. It's like my Grandfather Wolfe used'ta say: "Some things are universal; but some shit's just Weird." THE STORY (WARNING: **spoilers contained below**) Life according to The Virgin Suicides shows 1970's Grosse Pointe, Michigan to be a place of superficial calm and temporary beauty; the beauty would be erased by the cutting-down of numerous dead trees that lined the neighborhood, and the calm would be shattered by neighborhood gossips, scavenging reporters, and a strange family for whom the word "dysfunctional" was probably coined. Mr. and Mrs. Lisbon (James Woods and Kathleen Turner) are completely out-of-touch with their five teenage daughters, 13-year-old Cecilia (Hanna Hall), 14-year-old Lux (Kirsten Dunst), 15-year-old Bonnie (Chelse Swain), 16-year-old Mary (A.J. Cook), and 17-year-old Therese (Leslie Hayman). The neighborhood boys [their names are listed above; hellifi could tell you which one was which] are fascinated by the girls, especially after Cecilia commits suicide - and local stud, Trip Fontaine (Josh Hartnett), takes a liking to Lux. Unfortunately, Lux's burgeoning libido, and Trip's massive brain spasm, combine for disasterous effects for the four remaining sisters. THE UPSHOT In my review of American Beauty earlier this year, I disagreed with The Diva's Beauty review, on the basis of how she saw the dysfunctions in the families that were its primary focus; but Diva could've as easily been writing on-point about the Lisbon family - and more precisely, about the disconnect I felt with damn near everything about Virgin. That last bit is key: because where I felt that I "knew" good old Lester and Carolyn and the rest of the gang, I haven't the slightest clue what the Lisbon family's deal was. And what's more: I just couldn't bring myself to care. Maybe it was the sheer number of unexplained - no, make that undefined - characters. Lux was fairly easy to pick out of a crowd; Kirsten Dunst is a force to be reckoned with, even when everything around her seems to be less-than-gelled. And the Trip Fontaine character, as played by Josh "Young Tommy Lee Jones" Hartnett, also seemed otherworldy. Looking at the movie on terms of these two characters and actors, you get a completely different vibe than what happens when the rest of the motley crew joins in. Most of the other characters, and moreso, the actors who played them, seemed to be in a psychedelic haze, wondering what exactly their Motivation was supposed to be. Particularly jarring were James Woods and Kathleen Turner (who hasn't aged well at all, poor girl) as Ma and Pa Lisbon; both actors seemed worlds away from what their resumes have shown they're capable of. As for their characters, all signs pointed to their Major Problem being somehow involved (to a detrimental point) with religion. I think. Or maybe it was just the ill-effects of being in a community full of neighbors as rotten as the rapidly dying trees, who knows. Or, cares. The rest of the characters - with possibly the exception of Chase (Anthony DeSimone) - blended into a chorus of sorts, having no real distinguishing marks to tell one from the other. The credits for the cast list ironically told me more about who was who, than anything I saw on-screen. I included the detailed cast and character list above, just for giggles; it would take a supreme act to make me want to actually include all of the numerous undefined players within the body of this review. [Note: after coming back and re-reading this review in 2003, I realize how silly that was, so I trimmed the list down considerably. /bams] To her credit, though, writer/director Sophia Coppola showed some gutsiness in putting Virgin together. Knowing her primarily as Francis Ford Coppola's sproggen, and the worst thing about a pretty bad rendering of Godfather 3 (1 and 2 were masterpieces; wha'happen?), I was prepared to write this one off early on, and probably would not have gone to see it at all had it not been for favorable buzz about this project [makes me wonder just what movie those critics saw; but, Strokes For Folks]. Coppola was a lot more competent than I would've given her credit for, and though I couldn't catch her groove, I could definitely see her distinctive style shining through. Wasn't quite enough to win me over, but still, I give props where props are due. Usually, when I see based-on-a-book movies that I don't particularly like, I have a hankerin' to read the book. Not so, this time. One thing, though: whoever decided that this film was a "dark comedy", was probably smokin' whatever Trip left behind in his roach clip. Just Say No, dude; Just Say No. BAMMER'S BOTTOM LINE I used to sweat it when I watched an Art Fillum and just didn't see what everyone was raving about. Bump that; I haven't got time for the pain. Call me uncouth if you wanna - hey, I've been called worse - but I just couldn't get with this one. I like my Dysfunctional Families a little more understandable in their dysfunctions; weird for weird's sake just goes right past me. THE VIRGIN SUICIDES:   back to top And that's the way I see it. Rose "Bams" Cooper 3BlackChicks Review™ Copyright Rose Cooper, 2000 EMAIL: bams@3blackchicks.com    ICQ: 7760005 http://www.3blackchicks.com/