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The Diva's
"Bats" Review

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Bats (1999)
Viewed at Loews' Uptown Theater
Rated R; approximate running time of 91 minutes
Directed by: Louis Morneau
Written by: John Logan
Starring: Lou Diamond Phillips, Dina Meyer, Bob Gunton, Leon, Carlos Jacott ,David McConnell, Marcia Dangerfield
Genre: Thriller/ Horror


The Digest

The movie starts out with these 2 teenagers who are "parking". His window is rolled down while they are talking and something brushes his arm. So what does he do?!?!?! He gets out of the car. He gets back in the car and a Bat begins tearing through the car's roof to get at him and his girlfriend. Does he start the car and attempt to drive off? Nope. That'd be too much like right. He and Chickie-poo are served up as dinner. Serves them right. He should have kept his butt in the car.

Sheila (Dina Meyer) is a "Batologist" Jimmy (Leon) is her assistant. They are called in to help figure out what happen. When they go into the coroners office and see the bodies, Sheila gets an attitude because "bats don't do this" I personally wanted to slap her. Well normal bats don't anyway. What has happened is that the government has genetically altered 2 bats. These bats are super strong, smart and ugly and they escaped from the lab. They then went an infected a bunch of normal bats. So now there are thousands of meat eating bats attacking this little town.

The government comes in and promptly gets their asses thoroughly kicked. Sheila, Jimmy and the Sheriff (Lou Diamond Phillips) save the day by freezing the bats with a refrigerator unit while they are chest high in bat doo-doo. End of story and end of the longest 90 minutes I've had in awhile.

The Dish

This was a horror movie alright...horrible. This movie was bad. BAD. BAD. Plus side: An important rule is broken. Minus side: They actually made this movie. Yes, I know it's a "B" movie. I have seen "B" movies and enjoyed them. This one sucks. No pun intended.

I'm glad that, for once, the brotha makes it through the end. It's a shame he was written as a complete buffoon. But I guess a brotha needs to work.

The Directive

Don't bother rushing out to see this.


Shaving the corns off of your toes is time better spent.

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Copyright Kamal "The Diva" Larsuel-Ulbricht, 1999
EMAIL: thediva@3blackchicks.com
ICQ: 8690410

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More 3 Black Chicks... review(s) for this week:
(movies released on 10/22/99):

Bams' reviews:
"The Best Man" | "Crazy In Alabama" | "Bringing Out The Dead"

The Diva's reviews:
"The Best Man" | "Bats" | "Being John Malkovich" (sneak preview)

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