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The Expendables 3 (2014) Reviewed By Jay

United States, 03 April 2014

 

Jay´s Review

How did director Patrick Hughes ("Signs") summon such a list? Talk about calling up all the old war horses. I haven't seen such an array of hair pieces since the French Revolution. In my opinion, screenwriter Stallone ("Homefront") has generously handed this movie to Antonio Banderas, whose non-stop chatter steals every scene he's in, e.g., (to Luna with a leer) "Wanna hold my gun?"

A hi-tech prison break in the opening scene establishes the whiz-bang skills of our testosterone-laden team; I missed much of it because of late arrivals climbing over me, one flashing a cell phone to signal her date, who also had to climb over me. Grrr....

At least the movie was a LOT of fun. Just look at this cast!

  • * Sylvester Stallone ("Grudge Match") Barney Ross is the team leader for a group of men who are considered expendable by the CIA. They do the dirty work, so he has blood on his hands.
  • * Jason Statham ("Parker") Lee Christmas always flies in the right seat and insults his boss.
  • * Arnold Schwarzenegger ("Sabotage") Trench is back, big grin, big cigar and big gun!
  • * Dolph Lundgren ("Universal Soldier") What's that gizmo on Gunner's wrist? Some sort of gadget for kids?
  • * Wesley Snipes ("Blade") The outrageously staged prison break during the opening scenes were for Doc; he has been in prison...for tax evasion...
  • * Mel Gibson ("Machete Kills") Stonebanks is a CIA black-ops agent gone rogue. This makes him a foe worthy of our team's best effort.
  • * Harrison Ford ("Ender's Game") Drummer is the boss, even when they don't agree with him...
  • * Kelsey Grammer ("Think Like a Man Too") Bonaparte helps Barney assemble a new team when the old one shows its age.
  • * Antonio Banderas ("Ruby Sparks") Galgo is funny from the first moment he opens his machine-gun mouth, and he REALLY needs the job!
  • * Ronda Rousey ("Fast & Furious 7"- 2015) This MMA champ has some great lines and Luna gets to mix it up with dozens of bad guys.
  • * Glen Powell ("Sex Ed") Thorn is a techie, which is not to say he can't handle firearms...
  • * Kellan Lutz ("The Twilight Saga") Parkour? Motorcycles? Smilee can't decide which he prefers.

And I've left out quite a few actors. Should I elaborate on a plot? Nah...probably not. Suffice it to say, this is PG-13, so the language is (sorta) mild and there is not one kiss, but you should expect endless fisticuffs, continual gunfire and a LOT of blowie uppie stuff! BTW, the "Colonel Bogey March" is whistled in the trailer because the words to this old standby from the U.K. are NOT PG!

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